Third day into the New Year. As I walk to the tube station I can see the damage caused by storm Eleanor. Broken tree branches, debris and toppled bins blown all over the place by the strong winds. The storm was just beginning as I went for a walk last night. The drizzle and the darkness didn’t deter me. I stuck to well lit and busy roads. I was going to start the year as I meant to carry on.
I am not one for New Year resolutions. I have never been able to stick with them. Also if you want to do something why wait till the new year. But Asha said something that got me thinking. ‘Get rid of your self doubt, and make it your resolution’ she said. She has been saying this for a while. Self doubt and me go hand in hand. It is difficult to shake off, but I must and will try. Also before the new year started there was something I had to do. The excess baggage I have been carrying around for a while had to go. Decluttering the mind and home will be my resolution and this time I will stick with it. I have friends who are willing to share my sorrows and I will take advantage of it, like Claramma (Sheela) found out the other day.
We Brits have a problem. We greet everyone with a “how are you” question hoping to get a “I am fine and you?” reply and move on. When Sheela asked me this on New Year’s Eve, I told her exactly how I felt. She spent the next half an hour cheering me up. One of the most sensible and dearest friends I have. She remembers everything from our medical school days. The silly and embarrassing things I used to get up to and reminds me of them when we meet up. One day I will need to pin her down and get the details. It is nice to reminisce about the olden days once in a while.
After the talk I felt better. A calmness seem to have descended upon me and it has stayed with me for the last three days. I have said goodbye to 2017 and left what I do not intend to take with me behind and am looking forward to what 2018 brings.
I reach my destination, Bond Street station. It is still dark and the sun is yet to rise. The Oxford Street Christmas light decorations are still on. I have a theatre list in a Hospital where I am the only anaesthetist today. I need to keep my wits about me. There is no time for stray thoughts. This is how I intend to be all year. It is time to move on.
