My me-time

The stillness of the night. If I listen carefully I can sometimes hear the distant rumble of the late night train. Peace and tranquility. How much I used to yearn for this moment in my younger days. It would be late in the evening before the mill workers had left for the day, the office room and gate locked and the dogs let lose to wander around the gated property, before the silence could settle in. Even then it didn’t take much to get the dogs going. Barking at anything that moves. Crickets chirping. A tiny sound was all that was needed to distract me. I needed this stillness to concentrate. To go through the days schoolwork and retain any information.

Nowadays it is my me time. The time I keep for myself. The time I call my own. Time to let my thoughts swirl around in my head. Time to make sense of them. The time when I try to make sense of my existence. Also the time when I am at peace with myself. Maybe I should use this moment to try and meditate.

Every time I think of this word, I remember the time when a group of people came to teach us transcendental meditation in my first year at medical school. They asked us to think of a word and repeat it in our heads. I took it all as a joke. They asked me to stay behind once the class was over. They tried to explain the importance. I never got it. I still don’t. It may have helped me if I had taken notice. I will never know. A blank mind. It’s not me. The more I blank things out, the more they intrude. It is easier to let them fester and maybe once they’ve had their field day, they will leave me alone. Till then I am not fighting them. I have tried and now I will try and live with them in peace.

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